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About Traditional Art / Student Member Nel18/Female/Poland Recent Activity
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:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz: <- Pytać się jak już




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Artist | Student | Traditional Art

[ 18 ]
[ Bisexual ]
[ Single ]


Love Gasmasks Stamp by junkpileRadioactive Stamp by PockyPerson32Zacharie Stamp by ChibiChibiShaTF2 BLU Stamp by kyphoscoliosisDA Stamp - Video Games 01 by tppgraphicsWe Are The Proxies by The-MoonShadowStamp - The Slender Man by deaddoll00Linkin Park Stamp by Sora05Homestuck Stamp by SinderishTF2 Medic Stamp by MrEchoAngelCARTOON Network Stamp by meteoredNickelodeon Stamp by ScrapBagsAdventure Time Stamp by Trillo-LilloRainbow Dash +Stamp+ by RainbowDashPlzwolf stamp by war-armorBooks by SesquipedalianisticWelcome to Night Vale Stamp by SpoonyMacksI Support Imagination stamp by c3ph31dLGBT+ Stamp by Kezzi-RoseCopic Fan Stamp by yanagi-sanThe Manga Stamp by BusirisStamp - Comics by AzraelleWormserInfamous Second Son stamp 01 by SheviEdgeWarriors Stamp by GoldencloudKuroko no Basuke Stamp by junko-in-the-box
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: Life is Strange OST
  • Reading: "Will Grayson. Will Grayson" - J.Green, D.Levithan
  • Playing: Darksiders 2
I feel... bad.

From a couple of weeks I feel really down. And it's not something like "I hate my life" and "I want to die". No.
I like my life, it's really great. I love it. I just don't feel calm inside. I'm always nervous or tired or, here it comes, scared. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm sleepy, but I don't want to lie down, I don't want to be lazy. I know that in that situation I should listen to my body but I... I just think that I rest too long when I'm doing this.
Everybody says to me: "It's not that easy. You don't rest by relaxing only by 15 minutes". But I can't do that in school week. I just can't. I can't lie on my bed in work week. If I let my body relax, I won't do anything more that sitting and scrolling down photos of healthy food, fruits, animals, coffee shops - you can think that I'm werid, but that crap really calms me down [coffee shops calms me down, sitting in them or dunno, just beeing in them]. When I rest a little bit, I'm resting completely. 

I always hated school. Not people, just school as a place. My emotions are trapped there and I feel totally down. I try to fight with this everyday, but these days It's too hard for me and I'm sad about this, because I don't want Kaldira to have a sad, grumpy friend all the time. I know she will survive my mood, because she has a good heart and she's an awesome friend but... She don't deserve it. I should be for my friends and other people, not people for me. In that moments I feel that people suffer because of me. I should make them happy.

Also I have an eating problem. You see... I was suffering with eating disorder for a long time past two years. I lost 19kg in a short period of time, because I wanted to be prettier. I starved myself. Suddenly my organism stopped working correctly and I had an energy only to lie on bed and look at the walls. My mood was terrible, I was like in depression. I was always cold and shivering. I just killed my body. I had to go to a lot of doctors, because at first they thought that there was something wrong with my thyroid, but it was not. It was just my brain.
It was a long fight for me to finally start eating normally, but It was easy in one thing - I'm a healthy-eater I just needed to eat more.
So yeah,
sorry for a long story, but that needed an explaination. I will write about it more I guess, but other time.
Let's get back to that eating problem. I lost 2kg these days, because of stress and nerves [my mom was in hospital, and that was really serious also school and all the exams] and I need to eat. But I can't, because when I'm hungry and I eat a thing I always feel sick from it. Like I was too full or eat too much. It's not that I think that I ate too much, my stomach just feels like it. I don't like it, because food which I eat is delicious [little loaf of breat with corn, zucchini and cheese come on! Tastes like heaven!]. I figured out that my stomach is maybe smaller that before and I have to eat smaller portions of food but more often. That helps a little bit, but still sometimes that's a problem.
Do you think that this is from stress or should I go to this to the doctor?

I want to be left alone and the same time I need company. I want to hug, but then a few seconds later, I escape and don't want to be touched. I feel cold and sleepy and my legs and arms hurt. 

I wake up every day at 6:00AM and I'm home at 4:30PM/7:00PM. Well, that sucks.

Sorry I just needed to write this down, thank you for reading, really. I love the fact that you're all here to watch my artworks.
Thank you. Be safe. Treat yourself [because I can't] and stay warm.

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Haiena-Sensei Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
still proudly stalking your booty art
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
YEnoK Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
//rzuca Ci zegarkiem w twarz//
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
LEL NOPE <D *wild mango ran away* 
YEnoK Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
A tak na serio to godzina całkiem przyjemna na pracę w weekend :3 
(1 Reply)
CharlieGrins Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Student General Artist
thanks for the add~ <3
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
OHHHH ;W; I love the doodle and Crolaine and aghhh <333 
CharlieGrins Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015  Student General Artist
^w^ np
EpiclifeXX Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey!, thanks for the Watch! :)
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