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MangoMilkPaw
Nel
Artist | Student | Traditional Art
Poland
MY INTERESTS TUMBLR: mangomilkpaw.tumblr.com
MY INTERNET DIARY AND CHILL OUT: mangomilkdaily.tumblr.com
MY TUMBLR ART BLOG: hachikofloop.tumblr.com/

[»NEL«]
[ 18 ]
[ Bisexual ]
[ Single ]


FURSONA REF.: olivcater.deviantart.com/art/F…


Love Gasmasks Stamp by junkpileRadioactive Stamp by PockyPerson32Zacharie Stamp by ChibiChibiShaTF2 BLU Stamp by kyphoscoliosisDA Stamp - Video Games 01 by tppgraphicsWe Are The Proxies by The-MoonShadowStamp - The Slender Man by deaddoll00Linkin Park Stamp by Sora05Homestuck Stamp by SinderishTF2 Medic Stamp by MrEchoAngelCARTOON Network Stamp by meteoredNickelodeon Stamp by ScrapBagsAdventure Time Stamp by Trillo-LilloRainbow Dash +Stamp+ by RainbowDashPlzwolf stamp by war-armorBooks by SesquipedalianisticWelcome to Night Vale Stamp by SpoonyMacksI Support Imagination stamp by c3ph31dLGBT+ Stamp by Kezzi-RoseCopic Fan Stamp by yanagi-sanThe Manga Stamp by BusirisStamp - Comics by AzraelleWormserInfamous Second Son stamp 01 by SheviEdgeWarriors Stamp by GoldencloudKuroko no Basuke Stamp by junko-in-the-box
Interests
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: Life is Strange OST
  • Reading: "Will Grayson. Will Grayson" - J.Green, D.Levithan
  • Playing: Darksiders 2
I feel... bad.

From a couple of weeks I feel really down. And it's not something like "I hate my life" and "I want to die". No.
I like my life, it's really great. I love it. I just don't feel calm inside. I'm always nervous or tired or, here it comes, scared. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm sleepy, but I don't want to lie down, I don't want to be lazy. I know that in that situation I should listen to my body but I... I just think that I rest too long when I'm doing this.
Everybody says to me: "It's not that easy. You don't rest by relaxing only by 15 minutes". But I can't do that in school week. I just can't. I can't lie on my bed in work week. If I let my body relax, I won't do anything more that sitting and scrolling down photos of healthy food, fruits, animals, coffee shops - you can think that I'm werid, but that crap really calms me down [coffee shops calms me down, sitting in them or dunno, just beeing in them]. When I rest a little bit, I'm resting completely. 

I always hated school. Not people, just school as a place. My emotions are trapped there and I feel totally down. I try to fight with this everyday, but these days It's too hard for me and I'm sad about this, because I don't want Kaldira to have a sad, grumpy friend all the time. I know she will survive my mood, because she has a good heart and she's an awesome friend but... She don't deserve it. I should be for my friends and other people, not people for me. In that moments I feel that people suffer because of me. I should make them happy.

Also I have an eating problem. You see... I was suffering with eating disorder for a long time past two years. I lost 19kg in a short period of time, because I wanted to be prettier. I starved myself. Suddenly my organism stopped working correctly and I had an energy only to lie on bed and look at the walls. My mood was terrible, I was like in depression. I was always cold and shivering. I just killed my body. I had to go to a lot of doctors, because at first they thought that there was something wrong with my thyroid, but it was not. It was just my brain.
It was a long fight for me to finally start eating normally, but It was easy in one thing - I'm a healthy-eater I just needed to eat more.
So yeah,
sorry for a long story, but that needed an explaination. I will write about it more I guess, but other time.
 
Let's get back to that eating problem. I lost 2kg these days, because of stress and nerves [my mom was in hospital, and that was really serious also school and all the exams] and I need to eat. But I can't, because when I'm hungry and I eat a thing I always feel sick from it. Like I was too full or eat too much. It's not that I think that I ate too much, my stomach just feels like it. I don't like it, because food which I eat is delicious [little loaf of breat with corn, zucchini and cheese come on! Tastes like heaven!]. I figured out that my stomach is maybe smaller that before and I have to eat smaller portions of food but more often. That helps a little bit, but still sometimes that's a problem.
Do you think that this is from stress or should I go to this to the doctor?

I want to be left alone and the same time I need company. I want to hug, but then a few seconds later, I escape and don't want to be touched. I feel cold and sleepy and my legs and arms hurt. 

I wake up every day at 6:00AM and I'm home at 4:30PM/7:00PM. Well, that sucks.

Sorry I just needed to write this down, thank you for reading, really. I love the fact that you're all here to watch my artworks.
Thank you. Be safe. Treat yourself [because I can't] and stay warm.

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Comments


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:iconhaiena-sensei:
Haiena-Sensei Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
still proudly stalking your booty art
Reply
:iconmangomilkpaw:
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
STILL VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT AND ROLLING ON THE GROUND
Reply
:iconyenok:
YEnoK Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
//rzuca Ci zegarkiem w twarz//
Reply
:iconmangomilkpaw:
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
LEL NOPE <D *wild mango ran away* 
Reply
:iconyenok:
YEnoK Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
POWIEDZ MI JAKA GODZINA
Reply
:iconmangomilkpaw:
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
GODZINA DODAWANIA PRAC NA DEVA.
A tak na serio to godzina całkiem przyjemna na pracę w weekend :3 
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcharliegrins:
CharlieGrins Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Student General Artist
thanks for the add~ <3
Reply
:iconmangomilkpaw:
MangoMilkPaw Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
OHHHH ;W; I love the doodle and Crolaine and aghhh <333 
Reply
:iconcharliegrins:
CharlieGrins Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015  Student General Artist
^w^ np
Reply
:iconepiclifexx:
EpiclifeXX Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey!, thanks for the Watch! :)
Reply
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